they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
