you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
