Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
