You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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