i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
