Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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