some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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