I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
