I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
