You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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