you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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