its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
