Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
