im six kinds of drunk right now
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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