ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
