I'm really into asian looking animals
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
