in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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