well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize