I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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