he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
