Me. At least after what I've been through.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
