imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
