69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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