i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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