Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
