i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
