Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
