We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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