Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
