My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
