Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
