life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
