every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
