I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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