here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
