she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
