just come out here and I will go home with you...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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