I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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