Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
