he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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