you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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