U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
