Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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