Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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