ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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