So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had to cum in my sink.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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