Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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