he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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