I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
