is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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