she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
