So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
