will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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