The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
