we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
