sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
