Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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