3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
