I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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