i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
