I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
