I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize