The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
