it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
