the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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