Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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