Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
